What Happens When You Let A Fangirl Direct LOTR
by AlannaUndomiel
Summary: This is just a little idea I thought of one day about what would have happened if I an obsessive fangirl had been allowed to direct the films...
1. Intro

**Intro**

I've been thinking lately, about what would have happened if _I _had directed the Lord of the Rings… so I've decided to write it! Be prepared for a large amount of… how do I put it… fangirly-ness! (NB: yes, I just made that word up )

(NB: Also, the characters will be characters, not actors (i.e. Orlando Bloom etc) as I think I can have more fun with them as the actual characters)

**Disclaimer : **I do not own LOTR or any of the characters or events which take place within the books/ films. I do own however, a large collection of Orlando/ Legolas posters, three DVDs and more pictures than should be allowed on my computer…and whatever twisted thoughts come into my head . …

Alanna walked onto the set, and waved in a very hyperactive way at the cast.

"Hi everyone! I'm your new director!" The cast stared at her blankly.

Aragorn blinked and then said, "Who... are you?" It was Alanna's turn to stare blankly.

"Your new director! Peter Jackson pulled out at the last minute, so I was allowed to do it!" Aragorn looked worriedly at the others. Legolas moved forward cautiously, just in case this was one of those rabid fangirls he had heard of.

"So... What is your name?" Alanna looked at him for a moment, then squealed.

"OH MY GOD!" she screamed, unaware of Legolas' wince. "LEGOLAS! I'm like your biggest fan!" Legolas sighed, resigning himself to the fact that this was going to be a very painful process.

"I never would have guessed... again, what is your name?" Silence from the fangirl. Legolas shifted uneasily as he realised that she was staring at him intently. Aragorn walked over to Alanna, and waved a hand in front of her face. Still no reply. He waved again, and this time she swatted his hand out of her face, but continued staring. Legolas was now pretty sure there was drool, but then... THWACK. Alanna crumpled into Aragorn's arms. The rest of them stared at him incredously.

"What did you do to her?" asked Boromir. Aragorn gave him an exasperated look.

"I knocked her out; she was freaking pretty boy out..." Legolas hissed and drew his bow.

"Take that back!" He hissed. Aragorn raised one hand in the air, as the other was holding onto Alanna.

"OK, taking it back." He said hurriedly. Legolas put his bow away and said normally, "Now she's stopped drooling... what do we do? We've got no director..." Aragorn picked Alanna up as she weighed almost nothing.

"I think until she wakes up, we should put her somewhere where she can sleep." Legolas backed away quickly.

"Just as long it's no where near where I sleep. I don't want her coming and attacking me in the night..."

Aragorn walked off, calling over his shoulder, "Actually, was thinking of letting her sleep in your bed... it's plenty big for the both of you-" he was cut off abruptly as an arrow whizzed past his ear.

"NO!" Legolas yelled. "I will not share my bed with an obsessed fangirl!" Aragorn shrugged.

"Fine, I'll just leave her in some ditch somewhere... seeing as there's no one else with a double bed..." he trailed off. Aragorn and the others noted with interest that Legolas' eye was twitching spasmodically.

"Fine... but if that... fanatic... lays one finger on me... I will shoot you until you look like a porcupine... understood?" He said menacingly. Aragorn nodded then carried Alanna over to Legolas' trailer.

Will Aragorn turn into a human pincushion? Will Legolas be traumatized for life by having to share his bed with an obsessed fangirl? Will they ever start filming? Find out in the next chapter!

NB: please don't yell at me if the characters end up OOC, but sometimes I may have to sacrifice it for the sake of my fangirly-ness and because I'm making them all live in the real world with me! Aren't they all soooo lucky...

Please review? gives readers puppy eyes and skittles


	2. Maybe Some Sort of Plot?

**Maybe some sort plot?**

Maybe I will start filming soon… who knows? I think I need to totally traumatise Legolas first though… (notices people staring at her worriedly) oh don't worry… (sweats) Umm… it'll be good for… his … ummm… his character! (notices she is still being stared at) AHHH! (runs and hides with her Legolas posters, DVDs and disturbing thoughts…)

Disclaimer: I wish I owned LOTR, the story, the characters (Especially Leggy!) etc. but I don't, I only own this excuse for a fanfiction…

Alanna's eyelashes fluttered, and then opened. She groaned and looked around; noticing happily that lying beside her was a fast asleep Legolas. Suddenly, the alarm went off and Legolas groaned unhappily, whacking the aforementioned alarm to shut it up. He groaned again and rolled over, to find himself face to face with a wide awake Alanna.

"HI!" She said, far too brightly for six o' clock in the morning. "Did you sleep well?" Aragorn awoke to the sound of someone yelling very loudly. He sighed when he realised that it was Legolas overreacting, and turned over and went back to sleep.

"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU BE SO BRIGHT AND CHEERFUL THIS EARLY?" Legolas yelled. Alanna's eyes welled up with tears, because for some reason the person she worshipped was angry with her, just for saying good morning. Legolas' face softened as he realised he'd gone too far. He tentatively reached out and rubbed her arm.

"I'm sorry I yelled," he said. Alanna burst into loud, raking sobs. Legolas' eyes widened in alarm as he struggled to console the sobbing girl. "Look, I said I'm sorry..." Alanna didn't notice, as she was too busy trying to continue crying so she could get more sympathy from him. Finally, Legolas realised he was going to have to do something a little more drastic. He grabbed her chin and kissed her.

"Would you please shut up?" He said. Alanna stared at him, then nodded dumbly.

Legolas sighed with relief. "Thank you." Alanna watched him stretch, then shyly poked him in the side. Legolas crumpled, then looked at her, slight worry creasing his forehead.

"What?" he asked, his eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. Alanna grinned, then proceeded to tackle-glomp him.

"OHIYO, LEGOLAS-SAN!" She screamed in his ear, and Legolas sighed and prayed for divine guidance, but sadly for him, none came. He finally decided that he had remained in her fan-girl grip for long enough, and carefully and discreetly tried to untangle himself, but she held on even tighter.

"You're not a very good morning person are you Legolas-san?" She asked, a bright happy grin plastered on her face, mainly from being to close to Legolas, but also the fact that she had somehow managed to end up sleeping in his bed. Maybe if there was time later she would manage to steal his pillow…

"Are you on something?" Legolas asked her seriously. "Because you're acting as though you are." Alanna stared at him, appalled that he would even consider the fact that she might be on something.

"Noooo… but I did have a lot of sugar yesterday…" She mused. Legolas rolled his eyes at the ceiling and stood up stretching.

"Now, why doesn't that surprise me?" He murmured, ignoring Alanna who was staring avidly at the slender body that she could just make out under the pale blue silk tunic that he had slept in (think what he was wearing in Lothlorien). He wandered towards the bathroom, then paused as Alanna stood up too.

"Ummm... can I plait-" She was cut off by Legolas staring at her over his shoulder and saying very flatly, "No. If you touch my hair, I will kill you. Understood?" Alanna nodded, and Legolas disappeared into the bathroom. Alanna waited outside for half an hour, then decided that he would probably be another half hour, so she left the trailer, absently shoving a certain someone's pillow up her shirt, causes her to look rather pregnant. Aragorn came out of his own trailer and saw Alanna slipping into her own trailer pulling out the pillow and stroking it rather possessively. Aragorn said nothing, merely raising an eyebrow at the now obviously very obsessed fangirl. As he headed over to Legolas' trailer to warn him where his pillow had disappeared to, he made a mental note to enquire as to why such an obsessive had been allowed to direct this film.

Yeah, I know that there isn't much of a plot yet, but I promise that there will be some kind of a plot (maybe even start filming!) next chapter!

Hope you all enjoyed this and please review! hands out more skittles

(Aragorn wanders over) "Where the hell do you get all these skittles from?" Alanna shrugged. "I'm the writer and director, therefore I can have whatever I want, whenever I want… for example…" there was a poof and Legolas appeared, looking very wet and hugging a towel around him. He stared at Alanna, before yelling something about elven rights and running back to his trailer.

"See?" Alanna said to Aragorn, who just stared at her for a moment, then wandered off, shaking his head in dismay.


	3. More Fangirls Legolas' Doom

**More fangirls Legolas' doom**

I'd just like to thank the people who have reviewed this fanfiction, and to (name) who had Glorfi in a closet, I hope he is recovering well! Anyway, welcome to chapter 3 of this random journey into a fangirl's mind… and feel for Legolas this chapter, he will probably need plenty of therapy… perhaps Glorfi and Leggy can go together?

**Disclaimer: **I own me, Alanna, this fanfiction and Legolas… (Legolas appears, now fully clothed, bow in hand)

"YOU DO NOT OWN ME!" He yelled. Alanna pouted.

"Ok, maybe I don't… yet. But I'm in discussion with important people for your rights…" Legolas stared at Alanna in horror, then disappeared in a puff of smoke (because he's an elf and he can) and muttering about possible suicide methods.

Alanna walked onto the set, to be greeted by a yelp from Legolas, and stares from everyone else. She looked around at everyone, then frowned. Why were they all giving her weird looks? She shrugged mentally (not realising that the tale of the pillow-stealing had got around the entire cast) and grinned at Legolas.

"Ohiyo Legolas-san!" She said happily. He whimpered and darted behind Merry and Pippin, then realised that neither of them would be much help in shielding him. So, he drew his bow. Alanna stared at him, dismayed. Legolas glared. Aragorn rolled his eyes and walked over to Legolas and whispered in his ear, and Legolas finally put down his bow, giving Alanna very wary looks. Alanna pouted for another moment, then walked towards the camera crew, who all grinned and waved her. Legolas and Aragorn both noticed at the same time – the camera crew consisted entirely of girls. They looked at each other worriedly, and Legolas prayed that his end would be swift. Alanna had a swift talk with the 'camera crew' then walked back over to the cast, who were all now decidedly worried.

"OK guys, lets get started shall we?"

They nodded dubiously, then Pippin piped up, "What scene are we filming?" Alanna blinked, then replied, "I think we should do the scene in Lothlorien, where Legolas-san has the jug thingy. So we don't need you for the moment Gandalf." Gandalf shrugged and disappeared (because he's a wizard and he can). Alanna looked avidly at Legolas, then said, "Legolas-san, that means you have to take off the green tunicy thing, so you're wearing your blue shirt thing." Legolas glanced at the 'camera crew', who had suddenly looked up and were paying a lot of attention at the words "take off" and swallowed. As he reluctantly undid the fastenings, he was greeted by whistles and cheers from the 'camera crew'. He grimaced and dropped the tunic on the floor, and was bowled over by the 'camera crew' as they rushed forwards to grab it. He backed away, but was caught by Alanna. Only then did he realise that she had a manic, obsessive gleam in her eyes. He tried to pull away, but she held on persistently. Legolas swallowed nervously, and tried to pull away again. Alanna clung grimly on, and then reached forwards and struggled to undo the fastenings of the shirt. Legolas' eyes widened and he began yelling for help. Unfortunately, some of the other fangirls had seen what Alanna was trying to do, and came forwards to help. Legolas's cries became louder and more distressed.

"ARAGORN! A LITTLE HELP HERE WOULD BE APPRECIATED!" Aragorn shook his head, having spotted one or two of the fangirls staring at him, and he had no desire to become the fangirls' new target. Legolas whimpered as the fangirls who were not trying to undress him decided that it would be sensible to rip up the tunic so they could all have a bit. Alanna and the other fangirls had finally managed to undo all the fastenings on Legolas' shirt, and were now attempting to pull it off. Legolas suddenly had an idea – it had worked last time she had been out of control, but would it work now? Legolas swallowed his pride and pulled Alanna close. He kissed her hard then let her go and did the same for the others who were staring at Alanna and himself in horror. The others fainted in sheer delight that their object of obsession had kissed them, while Alanna merely shook her head and frowned at Legolas. Legolas noticed with relief that her eyes had returned to normal.

"Where were we?" Alanna asked. Legolas sighed and stood up, doing up his shirt.

He looked at her and replied dryly, "I don't care where we were, because I will be involved in this no longer. Goodbye." And with that, he stalked off to his trailer. Two fangirls tried to follow at a run, but Legolas whirled around, his bow strung and an arrow nocked on the string. He drew it half way and aimed.

"One more step, and I will not hesitate to shoot either of you." They backed away, and Alanna decided that for his sake, she should get rid off them. She called them over then said, "You can go now. I think he's upset." And they disappeared (because this is my mind and people can disappear at my will). Alanna waited for Legolas to go into his trailer, then followed after a moment.

Aragorn grabbed her arm, and told her, "Don't you dare try anything funny, because I don't want to be called forwards as a witness in a murder trial. Alright?" Alanna nodded sadly and carefully pulled her arm free from Aragorn's iron grip. She stood in front of Legolas' door, then turned the handle and stepped gingerly inside…

(A random woman pops up out of nowhere, with Alanna in tow)

"I am here to tell you readers, and you Alanna, about a very worthy organisation – the RSFPOE, or the Royal Society For The Protection Of Elves. It was created in order to protect the UK's and New Zealand's decreasing population of elves, and there are very strict rules in place that were specifically designed to help do just that. And I think that you will find that you, Alanna, have breached those rules by doing what you did to Legolas." Alanna raised one eyebrow at the odd woman. "Yeah right. Whatever. By the way, what the hell are you doing in here? This is my mind? Get out!" Alanna shoved the woman to one side. Aragorn appeared and shook his head at Alanna. "You know, she did have a point." Alanna glared at him.

"Oh whatever. My head hurts, I'm going to lie down." And Alanna disappeared. Aragorn shrugged.

"Ummm… please review? God knows what that girl is going to do to Legolas next chapter… but yeah. Hope you enjoyed." Aragorn said. Silence followed, so Aragorn shrugged and wandered off to console Legolas and try to get an appointment at the therapist for him.


End file.
